SANTA CLAUS IN MY MIND

 

  

Do you still remember that you had been counting each day on your fingers and thumbs before Christmas? Do you have some memories that you had waited for chubby and plump and jolly Santa Claus coming down through the chimney on Christmas Eve when you were a child? Definitely you wanted to meet Santa Claus with a red suit trimmed with white fur, leather boots and belt, long white beard and a pack of toys slung onto his back. Our parents told us that Santa Claus had been living in the North Pole Village full of fun things to do for good boys and girls. They said that before Santa Claus visited us, he used to check our Naughty or Nice rating while the elves were busy in putting bows and ribbons on the presents. Absolutely Christmas was the best time of the year for us to be able to get presents; therefore, we had to be prudent in speech and behavior while we were waiting for Santa, who was led by Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer with the sleigh full of toys. At that time, we really hoped Santa to have a good trip. He shouldn’t have fallen off the roof. He should have been careful when he was going down the chimney.

   “Please use the front door. We do not have a chimney.”

  “How is Santa able to get down the chimney and be in so many places throughout the world in just one  short night?”

  “How does Santa know I am here in my grandfather’s house? Now I am visiting my grandfather.”

Worry was killing us, but all parents were always very wise. They set us at ease. They said Santa knew everything and never made any mistakes just like passing through good kid’s house without stopping. Before we went to bed, we looked at the big socks hanging on the Christmas tree again. Christmas tree looked shabby compared with that of today. No twinkling ornaments, no silver bells, no golden bells, no flash colored bulbs… Just some white cotton wool instead of snow and various shaped handicrafts roughly made with colored paper by ourselves…

   “Silent night, holy night, all is calm…”

When some Christmas carols awoke us from our sweet dream of white Christmas, it was still so dark outside. In my country, Korea, the church choir used to walk around and sing some carols in front of church members’ houses before day breaks. I still remember those songs’ sound as a dim and beautiful yearning. After they finished singing, they got some candies, cookies, or hot soup from the owner of the house in return for their beautiful songs. Needless to say, they enjoyed those candies and cookies at the church on Christmas. When we saw them off, we looked over our socks on Christmas tree right away. Wow! Santa came to our house and put some presents for us. He seemed like a fortuneteller because he gave us so nice presents just that we wanted. Our hearts beat high with delight. Thanks, Santa Grandpa!  

When we realized that Santa was a true person, St. Nicholas; moreover, a real gift-giver was one of our parents instead of Santa, we were not children with the innocence of a child any more. We also realized that Christmas was really about helping others and celebrating the birth of Jesus and being with family and friends. From that time on, we found ourselves that indulged in earning our bread. Unfortunately we couldn’t have Santa Claus who was waited for any more.

However, I deny losing my own Santa even now when I am over 40. Santa Claus is hope, yearning, a whip which makes me redouble my efforts, and dream which I lost since I was grown up for me. While I am willing to wait for him, I will try to be a good person lest he should check me as a bad person. Surely I will be very happy while I am waiting for getting his presents. I also want to be somebody’s Santa Claus, who helps out the people that cannot have a decent Christmas. I want to be the homeless’ Santa Claus and help them find homes. I want to be the starving’s Santa Claus and help them find food and shelter. Especially, I want to be the modern’s Santa Claus and help them get back their lost dreams. (2002)